so apparently i only write on this when i’m upset about something with brenden. he’s having surgery tomorrow. insane. i’ve had a hard time keeping myself together the last few days but i have to say i had a neat experience where God has been very consistent to reassure me that it’s okay to have the surgery. the surgery isn’t too specially intense it’s just the anesthesia. he’s getting two kinds, oral gas and iv. it freaks me out. i don’t really care what happens with the surgery, as long as he comes out of the anesthesia i’ll be happy! :) i had someone say once when his son had to get put under for a procedure ‘you never really know if they’re gonna come out of it’. come on dude. it was just an honest comment, not at us at all, but it’s something the devil is trying to use against me. but God has countered him. i honestly don’t understand why we couldn’t go the spiritual healing route, like prayer healing, which happens all the time, and God’s done it to brenden many many times! i’m trying to piece everything together.  there has been a lot of speaking into this situation, even though i’ve kept it very private. i so appreciate my friends. mikey and brenton prayed for a surprise. i really think i’m getting that surprise. i think it’ll tie into why God chose to do the surgery route. i thought he might get healed before the surgery, and who knows if he did, the doctors won’t retest him, but as well as i can possibly hear God i have heard/felt every time that it’s okay to go ahead with the surgery. and thursday night at the ember days’/ath’s show jase was praying beside me and he was telling me stuff, unrelated pretty much, and i was listening but in my head over and over i was like but why God? why do we have to do the surgery? why can’t he get healed before? why do we have to do the surgery route?  and jase goes camille God wants you to know that you can trust Him, and that His timing is perfect. and i just choose to stand on that, because for him to come up with that at that moment when he didn’t know what i was thinking, i know it’s real. i love prophetic stuff. i love it when you just have to know it’s real because there’s just no other way for that knowledge or that relevant word to have happened. anyway, i’m really scared in a way, but i’m more thankful that God has spoken into this situation so much that even i can have faith. this is the biggest risk i’ve ever taken because noone is more precious to me than brenden. lots of people are close but he’s just my life. God help me out. i know You will but i’m just asking again.